Motherisms

Whether they are praising us or scolding us, Moms always have a quotable one-liner waiting to let us know exactly what they think. While it’s always a good idea to take Mom seriously while she’s saying it, we can’t help but look back and laugh sometimes.

Here are a few of our favorite Motherisms. Do you recognize any?

Rules

• “If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it to?”
• “I don’t care what [name of best friend]’s parents do, when you’re living in my house you obey my rules.”

New Clothes and Hand-Me-Downs

• “You’ll grow into them.”
• “They’ll shrink.”
• “Just roll up the sleeves a bit.”
• “We’ll get those trousers altered.”
• “Some thick socks will make those shoes fit.”
• On buying shoes that are slightly too big: "When you're wearing your heavy socks, they will fit just fine."
• “Wear your new shoes to school. Keep your old shoes for the back yard.”
• On keeping the old shoes: "You can use the new pair as your school shoes and kick around the house in the others."

Sage Advice

• “Slow down. You’ve got your whole life to be a grown up.”
• "You'll be an adult forever, what's your hurry?"
• “Don’t forget to stop and smell the flowers.”
• "Give folks their flowers while they're living."
• “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”
• "Happiness is a direction, not a place."
• “You call that a broken heart? You’ve got a lot of living to do.”
• "You think that's heartache? Just keep on living."
• “If it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger.”
• “If you keep making that face, it’s going to freeze that way.”
• “Sticks and stone may break your bones, but names will never hurt you.”
• “Measure twice, cut once.”
• "Measure twice, saw once."
• “Hang in there.”
• “It’s all fun and games until someone puts an eye out.”
• “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
• “Don’t bother—I just got back from where you’re headed.”
• "I've been where you're trying to go."
• “I suppose you’ll do what you want anyway.”
• Upon asking her opinion: "Do what you want. You will anyway."

Anatomy

• “You’d forget your head if it wasn’t screwed onto your neck.”
• On forgetfulness: "You'd forget your head if it weren't attached to you."

Sex

• “Don’t go out and make me a grandmother!”

Eating

• “Just scrape off the black part of the toast.”
• On burned toast: "Just scrape it off."
• “Elbows off the table.”
• “Always eat your vegetables.”
• “Finish your vegetables—there are children starving in Africa!”
• "The poor children in [fill in the name of an impoverished country] would kill to have what you have."
• “Would you eat like that on a first date?”
• On watching a son gulp down a meal: "What girl is going to want to sit and watch you eat like that?"
• On watching a daughter gulp down a meal: "What boy is going to want to sit and watch you eat like that?"

Health & Hygiene

• “Don’t forget your jacket.”
• “Don’t forget your mittens.”
• “Don’t forget your hat.”
• “Always brush your teeth.”
• “Always wear clean underwear (in case you’re in an accident).”
• “Wash behind your ears—I can see carrots growing back there.”

When Baby Bird Leaves the Nest

• “Write me a letter once a month.”
• “E-mail me at least once a week.”
• “Call me every day.”
• “I miss you.”

On Running Away

• “Don’t worry, I’ll pack up the rest of your things and send them to your new address.”
• "Hey, I'll pack your clothes and send them to you later."

Financial Advice

• “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
• “Do I look like an ATM?”
• Upon asking her for money: "Do I look like a bank?" which has evolved into, "Do I look like a Cash Station?"

Discipline

• “Stop fighting or I’ll turn this car right around.”
• “Just wait until your father gets home.”
• “Don’t make me come in there.”
• “Why? Because I said so.”
• “Who do you think you are?”
• "Just who do you think you are?"

Obedience

• “If you don’t like my rules, then there’s the door!”
• “We can talk about the rules when you start paying rent.”
• "While you're living here, you'll dance to my music."

Intelligence

• “Do you think I was born yesterday?”
• "I wasn't born yesterday, you know."
• “You think you’re so clever…”
• "I bet you think you're so smart."

The Guilt Trip

• “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be alright.”
• “Do you feel good about yourself now?”
• "Are you proud of yourself?"
• “Is it too much to ask for a few kind words?”
• "All I want is a few kind words."
• “Am I asking so much?”
• "Is that too much to ask?"
• “I went through labor to have you behave like this?”
• "I endured [fill in the number] hours of labor, and you can't do what I ask?"
• “I never made my Mother cry.”
• "I never made my mother cry."

And, When You Really Deserve It,

• “I’ll give you something to cry about”
• “I’m the one who brought you here, don’t think I can’t take you out.”

The Ultimate Insult

• “I hope someday you have children just like you.”

Subtle (and not-so-subtle) Reminders

• “M is for Mom, not for Maid.”
• “Clean up your room, it looks like a tornado hit.”
• “It looks like a pigsty in here!”
• “Close that door, are you growing a tail?”
• “Were you born in a barn?”
• “Turn off the light when you leave the room.”
• “If you use up the toilet paper, please change the roll.”
• Upon passing a bathroom: "Am I the only one who knows how to change the toilet paper roll?"

Anytime, Anyplace

• “No matter what, I’ll always love you.”
• "Just remember, I love you no matter what."